listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Send help, water and tortillas.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
