drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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