Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
