I love black thongs
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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