I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
