just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
