I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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