I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
