I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
