Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
