dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
