I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
