That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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