Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
