Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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