Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
