smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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