Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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