2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
