how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
