the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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