it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize