The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
