She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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