Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize