It's Friday. Sex?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
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