dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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