we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
