So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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