he thought i was a dude.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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