The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what day is it and did you see me today?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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