made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
