a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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