So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
