Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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