FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
