the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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