there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
