yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
there is puke in my bra ... again
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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