someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I want to fling myself into the sun
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
