My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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