do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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