I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
