Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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