I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
