Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
