the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
