When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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