I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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