Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
