I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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