so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
