My hair reeks of homosexuality.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
