wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
