you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize