I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
