so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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