We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
