Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
