That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
