I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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