Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
