i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
