Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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