Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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